April = Scrooge

Is it un-Christian if I dread Christmas? I'm not looking forward to it at all. I would like to skip it altogether. If it were up to me, I would go to church on Christmas day, sing 3 Christmas songs, and be done with it. I haven't always felt this way. Christmas used to be my favorite holiday. I would look forward to it for months. However, moving further into my 20's, and seeing all of my grandparents die off, as well as seeing my siblings find partners and have children, Christmas just isn't what it used to be.
In fact, this week I was at Walgreens and as I walked down the Christmas aisle, I heard the music playing, and began to tear up. I thought of my grandparents, and how they are gone now. I was very close to them, and I won't be seeing them anytime soon. I also thought of Christmas as a little girl. How warm and safe it felt to be with my whole family. I miss that feeling. Maybe it means that I don't have enough faith in God, that I haven't felt warm and safe for a long time. Maybe it means that I don't appreciate my family enough right now. Maybe I am just lonely. Any way, I don't know how to get that feeling back.
I think that I need a Christmas miracle. Whatever that is, I don't know.