snap out of it.

I've been realizing lately that I need to show myself some respect. I realize that in the last year, my self-worth has shrunk significantly. It's not just one thing, its plenty of things. And I realize that I need to start showing myself the love that I show to everyone else. For some reason when I get into a situation that tears me down, I can't just walk away. Its almost like I crave the abuse. I must, because I keep coming back for more. I feel like I need a big vacation. Like I need to move. I actually plan on moving in the fall, but I'm pretty sure that the abuse will follow me there.
I've realized that for the last year, I have listened to nothing God has said. I did my own thing, and ignored all of the people who were trying to steer me in a different direction. They saw the destructive lifestyle that I had begun to live. They saw that my happiness was placed somewhere that it shouldn't have been. And now things are falling apart, and I feel like I am not worth much at all. I keep trying to give myself pep talks, and tell myself that I deserve more than what I'm getting...but what if I don't really believe it? Nobody wants to be around someone who doesn't respect themselves. Nobody wants to be around a basket case. Nobody wants a friend who always has problems. Even my family and close friends are tired of my problems. And the reason why is because they have seen this coming for a while now...and I didn't listen.
I've also realized that God never intended for people to be so self-seeking. If I would have spent the last year of my life looking at different ways I could help others, I wouldn't have so much drama in my own life. I've created my own drama because I have been so concerned with myself and making myself happy.
The other day in church I learned this:
There are three situations when God doesn't want you to be happy:
1. God doesn’t want you happy when it causes you to sin.

2. God doesn’t want you happy when it’s driven by circumstances.
3. God doesn’t want you happy as much as God wants you blessed.

The current series is about Christian cliches, things that Christians say and believe that aren't true. These statements are in response to the Cliche, "God just wants me to be happy."
I'm not happy. I need to gain perspective because there are so many people who are worse off than me. I know that I base my happiness off of my circumstances. I think alot of people do. I need to work on that I think.