Fat Pants

So today I tried on my fat pants. A random idea I had while pretending to do my homework. They are alot bigger than I remember. I immediately smiled when I got them on, and there was no way they were going to stay up without me holding them. I made my mom take this photo. It was and is a great feeling, however, once I held them up, the emotions and the tears came flooding back.
Its a sorrowful feeling in a way. You hold open this large pair of pants, hardly believing that at one time they were almost too small for you. I never realized that I was that big. There were even times when I looked in the mirror and thought that I was pretty. And others told me the same. Now I look at the photos from back then, and wonder if people could see something that I can't. I look at the photos, and look at the guys who I was attracted to, and think, "Wow, Ape...not a chance." Not that big people are repulsive, but that the guys I chose, were completely shallow...as a lot of guys are (I'm sorry, but it seems true).
Something funny to me, is that I feel like I have become alot less shallow when it comes to the idea of dating someone. I feel better about myself, and so I am less critical of the physical appearance of who I end up with. This makes me happy, becuase 1. I don't think that God intended for us to be so set on physical appearance and 2. This means that I can focus on more important things like a man's character and passion for life and loving Christ.
I kind of miss being bigger sometimes. I miss always being warm in the winter. I miss feeling cozy when you are curled up on the couch. I miss being able to fall on my butt, and not actually hurt anything.
Things I love about losing weight. Like I've said before, my collarbones. Non-plus size clothes, not being sweaty, no heartburn, not accidentally clearing off a table with your stomach, not getting asked if I'm pregnant, feeling like I can go ANYWHERE God wants me to go and not worry about exhaustion, being able to have babies someday and play with them (this was one of the main reasons why I decided to lose weight), not being pre-diabetic...I could go on, obviously the good outweighs the bad.
I am approaching a year, since I started this journey. May 11th is the actual date. It has been really hard. And lately I have been losing incentive since the scale is moving a bit slower. I'm hoping that this photo helps me. Maybe it will help someone else too.